People change. “Those” people encompass the evolving little personalities of my wonderful children, the aging of the people who caringly and lovingly helped raise me, the long time friends I thought would always be around but now have lives and families of their own, the world seemingly turning colder and darker regarding the realm of pure human connection and rounding it off with the changes blossoming (at times) within me. My perspectives, activities, things and people who are taking precedence in my life, have all changed. I am an entirely different person than I was 5 years ago… around the time I started this blog.
Various aspects of life’s hills and valleys have taken me into the depths of despair to then swoop me all the way into the arms of Angels, soaring above mountain tops, soaking up the sun with sheer bliss being grateful just to be alive. Remembering and always trying to bring myself back to that gratitude for the life I have; being surrounded by wonderful people, nature, life and having the freedom to truly create the life we desire…
However, sometimes we get lost as we trek through soaring then falling in and out of those hills and valleys, trying to just pick ourselves back up. And in these moments of being lost, certain changes and realizations just become more prevalent. Such as people no longer being there, situations passing you by that you weren’t fully present for but somehow took part in, family or friends changing, problems blowing up you didn’t anticipate… the list goes on.
Recently, there were some life changes, that again I hadn’t anticipated that threw me into a mentally dark place. A place where I didn’t expect to allow myself to be a part of… The statement I’ve heard often and believe it’s truth, “you’re only given what you can handle” is what I’ve witnessed after reflecting throughout my entire life and seeing what others have endured. From my patience to strength of the mind… I’m convinced I was given exactly what I could handle all along the way, as painful and as insane as it’s all been. There are others who’ve struggled far more than I, and I completely acknowledge that. However, I’m handling the events in life meant for my journey and capabilities, and sometimes those are just as trying for me.
Going through life has always been a very huge mental struggle for me. “Do they like me?” “Am I good enough?” “Did I say the wrong thing?” “Was I too enthusiastic or excited and did it sound insincere?” “Was I there enough?” “Did I do enough?” And on and on. Those voices constantly nagging at me, questioning my worth of having people I care about in my life and whether I’m giving too much or saying too much or not doing enough etc…
To utter “I am enough” seems so simple… but for me, I’ve learned it’s always been my biggest struggle with my kids, men in my life, dear friends, family, clients, students, acquaintances, pets…you name it every question that runs through my mind is, “am I enough?”
Well as a now 30 year old woman who’s experienced a whirlwind of life’s tribulations, I can now say that yes indeed, I am ENOUGH. I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, nor may I be their cup of tea at this point in their life…but that’s ok!
Women in particular are usually always trying to be people pleasers; that reigns true with this lady for most of my life. Inviting people to things that they would never think to invite me to in return, going the extra mile in hopes they would be there for me if I needed it at some point, staying up late or waking up with anxiety concerned about things said not said done and not done, reaching out first at an attempt to keep and maintain friendships, trying to mend relationships that really shouldn’t be mended… just all this wasted energy and time all because I never was sure if just being me, was enough for anyone. How sad. Wasted precious minutes on this Earth to prove to others that I’m enough.
I wrote this in hopes that my simple statement of being ENOUGH, helps at least one person out there recognize their worth in this huge world. Until you see it within yourself, you will continue to give and give and give until there is no more and wind up depleting away until you realize, “how did I get here? Why am I here?” And maybe that’s how you found this – it’s time to realize..YOU ARE ENOUGH!